Sunday, November 29, 2009
I dont know if I should let it go, or keep fighting for something I want to be there so badly, but it doesnt seem to be there at all.
Its not that Im gonna bother looking for it anywhere else. because that is not my intention. but the intent is to not stress myself and break my self and try to mold something that will never form the shape i truly desire.or try to mold something that was never meant to take the form of anything else i the first place. someone once told me, "You want to be happy, but you dont want to go out and look for it, your tryin so hard to be happy with what you have now, that you will never be satisfied or contempt "
Those are some wise words I did not comprehend at the time, but I am sure I understand now.
As much as I realize these words are true, I still dont want them to be, and I still struggle to prove that person wrong. So why dont you help me, help us, So we can finally be happy, together.
Monday, November 23, 2009
-Noah; The Notebook
look up at the sky at night through an expensive telescope
fall in love in paris
go on a road trip with my girlfriends
play in mud
play in the rain
ride in the back of a motorcycle
be inside the statue of liberty
go to a drive in movie theatre
take my mother on a full day of pampering
hot wire a car
ride in a hot air balloon
beat someones ass real good
shower under a waterfall
paint a famous painting that will last through history
ride in a helicopter
walk in the beach at night
take tango classes
recieve flowers for no reason
have a roller blading party, with hot pants, tube socks disco balls and afros
learn to drive a stick shift
swim with dolphins
ride a horse along side the beach
take salsa classes
write a childrens book
take a candle light bubble bath with someone I love and toast on champagne
visit ALL the states, take a picture, and collect a postcard from each one
go skinny dipping with friends
live in London for a year
kiss my lover at the top of a ferris wheel
learn how to cook
save alot of my own money
reward myself later
try to learn how to surf
see a real volcano
have my portrait painted
in that note, paint a self portrait
plant a tree
understand my religion
be the boss
ride a mechanical bull
own a house with a very high ceiling
have a street named after me
discover my lifes purpose
Ugh. Thanksgiving is only three days away. As excited as I am, I'm also dreading it.
Thanksgiving is about family and friends. I feel like I have slowly dropped all of mines. I care for them so much, but lately I've been straying from keeping a connection with anybody.
And what is my excuse? Nothing really, Just laziness, plus having a boyfriend takes a lot of my time, not that I'm complaining.
Even if it's not the laziness, there's no budget for me to even think about going anywhere outside my home.
I remember when I was younger, My mother will make this big feast. And I will be there helping out, usually making the potato salad. I think that's all she really trusted me to make.
Even doing something so simple I will ask a million and one questions... What do I do now? How should I cut the carrots? That's not too big? Why do we have to put apples? Why so much mayo? And in her head I bet she's thinking..."Shut the fuck up and just make it already!" My potato salad is banging. Thanks to all the slaps upside my head.
Last Thanksgiving was ehhhh. I spent about an hour in my house, and the rest with an ex boyfriend who turned out to be a prick. The year before that I actually enjoyed. I was with MY family. No one elses. It was quiet [ except for the mega mezcla blasting in the background ] No turkey, No pernil [ I love me some pernil ! ] No big feast, just a regular dinner, with my loved ones.
As for this year, as much as I loved two years ago. I actually want to have fun. I want to dance. I want to chill with my beautiful cousins for once. I want to laugh my night away. I'm debating if I should take a 2 hour and a half train ride to Brooklyn to do that though. Which is not a problem. It's just the ride back that's a bitch... when you're all tired from the 'i-tis", half drunk, half hair messed up, half make up done, half gone, and you have half a heel left from wasting it down from dancing. Not that thats happened to me. It hasn't. Atleast not yet. hahahahhahaha.
Or, I guess, i can just stay here.
Brooklyn it is.
Now..... what should I wear?
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I honestly don't know how I would handle that type of death... I wish I could do something for her... Anything.
I love you so much Tuts, and I don't ever want you to forget it. You have so much strength. I'm so proud of you.
My mother and I have never be that close, something that I've always lusted for.
Imagine to my surprise my Tuts and Wanda, mother and daughter more like sisters, more like best friends.
She's watching over you love. She is.
Wanda was always full of life, always making wise cracks, always a joy to be around.
She will truly be missed.
What you don't know Tuts, is that she lives in your spirit now, well she always has. She's your mother, we always live through our mothers, despite all the differeneces and arguements that we may have... Mothers will always be our mothers, and we only get one.
At the viweing yesterday, it was so hard to sit through, Me, personally I'm not the greatest fan of death, but in the other hand, who is.
Sitting there, at the same funeral home that Luis "Noms" Seda was viewed, memories rushed back of how flooded that funeral home was. Tears accumulated at the inner corners of my eyes. Wanda, Luis, my grandfather Ernesto, family friend Willis, death in general.
Death has not been so friendly to me, well not me exactly..... but to loved ones.
I don't want to see ya go.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Fotos y Recuerdos. I used to be obsessed with this song.
heres a little of the lyrics:
tengo una foto de ti. que beso cada noche antes de durmir. esta media rota y ya se esta borrando. por tantas lagrimas que estoy derramando.es todo lo que me queda de tu amor.tengo un recuerdo de ti. que siempre me hace tan feliz. en aquella fiesta que te conosi. ese timido beso que te di . es todo lo que me queda de tu amor. fotos y recuerdos.
and for you english speaking tongues, heres the transalation:
I have a photograph of you. that I kiss everynight before I sleep. Its worn out broken and its almost erased from all the tears thats landed on it. But thats all thats left from our love. Only photographs and memories. I have a memory of you. that always makes me so happy. In that party that I met you at . And that shy kiss i gave you.. thats all thats left from our love. photographs and memories....
I love Selenas music, it's such a shame that she was murdered at such a young age.
She could've been the next diva!
Monday, November 9, 2009
aaaaaaaaaah... remember the good old days, when you did wrong, you took money from your mom's purse when no one was looking, you broke the living room coffee table, you forgot to pick up your little brother from school, you talked just a little bit too much at a family friend's dinner party, you got caught stealing at the local K-mart, you punched your little sister in the face, you're report card spelled out f-f-f-f-f, you was running around the store and knocked down 20 mannequins, whatever the case may be, if you're spanish... you got beat... and this is the convo that will make you say.... omg... that has happened to me!
me: imaginate..her beating you with a belt at this age =]
sae: oh it could happen lol I dont put it past her LOL and correasos hurt at any age
me: my mom would be on some shit like.. i birthed you.. i dont give a fuck.. cuanto cuerpo tu tiene.. you te mato! lol
sae: omg mine too lmao shes like i brought u into this world and i will take u out lol
me: nooo .. my mom's is.. yo voy pa la carcel.. yo no tengo miedo.... porlomeno yo voy feliz sabiendo que yo te mate! lol
sae: LMFAO my mom says that...wow...hahahaha
me: omg ... no the best one... when they screaming at you.. and you cry....
sae: lol them latinas are OG gangstas lol omg imma give u something to cry about
me: porque tu llora?? tu quiere llorar.... yo te hago llorar
me: awww thats gonna be me in time... lol.... og baby!!!
sae: yo the correa after the shower was the worst
sae: yea u the mini og now LOL
me: that shit buuuuuurns
sae: word up
me: the mini og lol
sae: and they dont care cuz they dont feel it LOL
me: o no.. what about.... tu cre que yo te quiero dar.?.. esto me duele ma a mi que a ti....
me: ummmm nooooo nigga! that shit is hurtin me...!
sae: yo the funniest shit is my moms, be beatin u to salsa music and talkin in syllables
me: hhahahahahhahaahahahahhaahahhah odeeeee i know what u talkin about!
me: tu- qui-ere- llo-rar-eh? yo -te -ma-to- mal-di-ta- es-tu-pi-da-qui-en-tu-cre-que-tu-er-es?
sae: LMFAO yo we been beat by professionals
me: omg..what about when you make'em chase you all around the house?
sae: they sound like nypd LMAO
me : cono!!!!!! cuando yo te aggare! va ser peor.. te voy a dar 2 veses.. primero por lo que hiciste y otra vez por haciendo me correr!
sae: LMAO yea its the same logic, one time i asked my mom if she ever worked for the police lol
she was like.. why?
I'm like cuz ya use the same scare tactics LOL
me: what she said??
sae: que me fuera pal carajo LOL
me: omg .. what bout the times, you knew you were gonna get beat... and you put like maaaa layers of clothes underneath your jeans and you was ready ...like you was ready to go to war lol
sae: wow thats a throwback
sae: im tellin you and then they wonder why we violent
me: what about.. cuando te incaban?
sae: these kids nowadays dont get that though they dont hit them no more
me: nooo they def dont
me: imma bring it back... watch
sae: you be in the corner praying to get up and when u finally got up you were crippled
me: they'll throw uncooked rice on the floor..dique ..incate!
sae: word lol uncooked rice at weddings makes me cringe lol fuckin flashbacks lol
me: you start walkin like you just got beat with a bat on your knees and you wouldnt only get hit withbelts...
sae: lol i got hit with everything
me: itll be mops, brooms, metal spoons you stir the rice with.
sae: yo my moms broke the broom stick on my back one time i was like 14..came home from bombin da 4 yard..like at 4 am LOL
me: cable wires, hangers, heels, buckets. shoes, blow dryer,
me: the big brolic combs, chancletas!
sae: frying pan
me: everything.. the closest thing was a weapon
sae: omg yo one time she hit me in the elbow
sae: my shit was purple LOL
ahhhhhh..... the memories... how time flies....remember kids, you fell down a flight of stairs... and if that doesn't work... you bumped into the door knob.
have a good day =]
stay tuned blogheads.