Help,Cuz I'm Confused

How many people have you said '' I love you '' to? romantically of course?
I can honestly say I've only said it to two men.
And I have been told this many times, by many different types of men. That doesn't mean I say it back. Just because were dating, it does'nt mean I love you. It means were dating.
I would never say it to someone if I didn't mean it.
So why is it that people say it so loosely, as if it was a sneeze... and you say "bless you"?
I really don't understand.

Is it just to get some ass?
Cuz that won't work either.
So why do people say I love you when they don't mean it?
Maybe because they have nothing else to say? They mistook 'like' for love? Or, they were forced. They feel obliged to say it because that's what's being expected from them.
They are immature and don't truly know what love means
I understand that we all need to hear that we are loved, it makes us feel good about ourselves, and gives us confidence in ourselves, but you dont need to say it to every woman you date. There is a tradition in our society that says that men aint supposed to say "I love you" until after you have known the person for a long time, so that the words make the woman feel more special.... why you gonna wanna make a stranger feel special?
I think the words have become overused and are losing their meaning.

pt2
I LOVE YOU VS. I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU
Sometimes we do not know we are in love, until what we love the most is gone.
Sometimes we think we are in love, only to find out it was not what it seemed, we just loved (or lusted) after it.
I think the best way to describe being in love is when you look at that one certain person and you realize how perfect their imperfections are, how you love every little detail about them, how you imagine yourself growing old with them, and the reverberating effect of that lasting first kiss, all at one time. Loving someone is saying okay sure i care about this person because they are either there for you or you care about what happens to them........ but being in love with someone is much deeper than that . being in love is soo much deeper than that you care so much for the other person that your willing to lie down your life for them do anything for them ......... you care about them so much that you dont know what you would do without them seriously........you feel misrable when they are mad at you or aren't around you. when they are in your presence your heart becomes heavy and just thinking about them puts you in a state where all you do is want them more. so yes there is a big difference between the two.

Im Exhausted

I'm tired of always having patience for people, yet they never have patience for me.
I'm sick of it.
Because I know what I want, when I want it, how I want it I'm labeled a bitch. So then be it.
I'm the biggest bitch you'll ever meet.
If you cant deal with it, or dont have the patience for it.....fuck off!
One of these days.... I'mma truly lose it!

all grown up

My baby sis in law is getting so big.....
which made me think... i remember when i was that age...11 to precise.. damn, how time went by so fast.... now i got boobs..not much...but i got em...hahahahaha
I was always a lil tomboy, so barbies was never the case..it was more like footballs... but I remember 5th and 6th grade... that's when wrestling, wwf, was awesome... i had my own lil crew. everyone was a different character.
scott was xpac.
delilah was china.
raoul was triple h.
and etc.
i just happened to be lita.
lol.... o man, i know!
we used to pick fights with everybody..just beatin up random people in the hallways... yeah i guess you can say i was a bully.
ok... i was a bully hahaha
then my name changed dramatically to steeltoe....
but thats because i started kicking all the boys...
lol... i was never messed with, always messed with others.
I was average. not ugly. not pretty. just there....
i know whatever boys wasnt scared of gettin kicked had a crush on me... but i never paid mind to them.
7th grade came and thats when i first started to notice boys, and the kickin stopped a little... even though i had to remind some that that fury was still there! hahahaha
end of seventh grade going on 8 i had my first"boyfriend"
if you can call him that.
he was short.pale. had silky smooth hair in a mushroom haircut.
we dated for like 6 months. and it was so pure and innocent. we never kissed. i think we hugged once... and we held hands like about 7 times maximum. lol
and that's cuz the first time one of our friends had forced us.=]
what a good friend.hahaha
i remember i was sooo nervous.
that ended sure enough. and who knows where hes at. maybe somewhere across the world.
i'm pretty sure bumping into him will be nice.... but i dont want to... it will ruin the good memory that i have.
some things are better left that way. And i have no problem with that.
But now.....I may not be completely grown up.... but I'm getting up there...
I have a wonderful husband who loves my retarded ways.
I may not be kicking boys anymore... but I've been told I got a pretty good right hook.

UUUUUGGGH!

i need a new wardrobe!

The Love of My Life Is In Tuff Competition

You all know that art/graffiti is the love of my life... but there's a new sheriff in town because there's some heavy competition...
aaaaaah.... the boyfriend.
How well things seem to be going, but hopefully that doesn't jinx anything. Going strong. Of course there were speed bumps, roller-coasters and many mood swings... and I'm sure they're not over. I know we have much more to deal with, look forward to, regret and learn from. Hey, we're still young =]
His temper is horrible, his patience is low, his attitude is horrendous .... But guess what?
His kisses make me smile, his smile makes my day and his hugs are truly amazing, his snappy remarks make me laugh and when he grabs my hip with his force... it drives me wild!
So you better believe I'm not going anywhere.
Plus graff can't get too jealous because now I offically have a partner that's down for anything... from kisses to paint. from hugs to cans and roof spots.... the city is all ours....

You'll Be Missed

We've been through so much... I hate that you're leaving me.
It's crazy how I got so comfortable around you... We used to go everywhere together...
the movies,dancing, dates, family gatherings.... felt like we been together forever....
What will I ever do with out you?
Yes, I know you can be replaced, maybe they'll be cuter, taller, more sophisticated or spunky... who knows... but they will never be like you.... We've had so many memories, so many happy moments, angry moments many tears shed together....
But now you're broken, and you cant be fixed.. no chance in trying. its over.
Just know that I'm going to miss you.
RIP TO MY FAVORITE HEELS

I Think It's Time....

I haven't been out clubbin in a month.... I need me some stress relief.... and dancing is just the way to do it... thats my work out for the week as well... I gotta love me some spanish music!
I got a new dress, I think I'ma rock it tonight... why waste it right?
It aint even about the guys, It ain't even about the drinks...
Its about the dancing, the laughing and having some fun...
Guys in clubs are worthless, the drinks are over priced and mostly blended with water so more can spare.... im good...
I gotta a good man at home, and a nice cold corona in my fridge with my name all over it.
What more can i ask for?
I hit up my homegirl MRS and its time for me to finally see her strut her stuff!
Sometimes we gotta drop the montanas and rustos and pick up some make-up and heels!
Before:

After:

Tonight we gonna have some fun!
let me let you go, I gotta start getting ready!

Central Park Date

So we walked, alot! If I could reach the sun I probably would've beat her up! Bitch was not playing!
And worst of all I was wearing black, so i just took that off, and stayed with my purple lil strapless...
It's been awhile since we've spent time together, alone. We def. needed that, it brung us together...and I'm not ashamed to say, that I missed you sooo much.
You felt so far away, things have been going sour....
hopefully that our little date has passed things will be a lil sweeter.
I loved your kisses today. Your lips were nice, plump and juicy...all that I been missing...
and of course, a lil more~ hehehehehe, yes, im'a lil pervert sometimes.
We listened to the music in the background, there was a concert going on behind us, but that didnt matter because for once, since a very long time, we felt as if we were alone, just us.
No, lil bros, no lil sisters, no moms, no friends, no phone calls, no instant messages, no emails...
it was just us... and I loved every single bit of it.

if this isnt love then what is it?

Sometimes it gets frustrating.Like you just wanna pull your head off

I know we live and we learn...
For Some reason, i been feeling really lubby dubby lately...
and watchin chick flicks all day doesnt make it any better, when all those happy endings dont happen in real life...
You want that special guy to know when you're feeling blue, and he always knows what to say, when to say it, what not to say, when not to say it....
in real life that doesnt happen, you get pointed fingers at, and you end up apologizing for emotions that your're feeling.
in movies, the guy chases you down the street, bridge, half the world, to tell you that he's loved you since blah blah blah....in real life.. they say "fuck you, I could do better anyway!"
in movies, you get that look...yeah, you know what im talkin about... that look makes any girls heart go all goey... when he stares deep into your eyes, and no words are needed... you both feel the crazy chemistry...in real life you even attempt to do that, you get " what are you lookin at so damn much?" or "you got an eye booger right there, no no , not there, there....okay you got it now".
In movies I want my spirit to be free with you, in real life, you want to choke the person.
In movies you believe, in real life you doubt.
In movies you wish and it comes true, in real life you pray, and hope for the best.
Don't you sometimes wish you lived your life in a movie???
Well, I do.... It'll never happen of course....
I guess settling for less, settling for real life is all a girl can do these days.
All the chivalry, prince charmings and shining armors are stuck in those fairy tales your mom used to read you to sleep when you were younger.
The thing is, you grow up listening and soakin up all thats fairy tale bullshit, once you get older, you look lost askin yourself.... where is it? where is he?
ehhh, whatever.
I know life isn't perfect, love def. isn't perfect either, I know it's hard and it's something two people have to work hard at to make happen.
Trust me I know all of this, it's not like im just fantasizing with my head stuck in t he clouds... I know the deal.
Thats why a girl has to settle for real life.

Stressed

So i was talkin to one of my boos[my sister] whos currently in Dominican Republic having the time of her life, while I'm all stressed out, dealin with dumb shit and being broke in New York.
I'm truly jealous, and I'm not afraid to admit it.
From hearin all of her boy stories... which are alot by the way,
to her all drinking and hanging out... I know she havin the time of her life.
Even though I'm happy for her, I'm wishing I was over there as well...
Last time I was over there and seen my family was eleven years ago.

Even though I might talk to them, over the internet like what, every other 3 months.

Its diff. when you're in person.... for God sakes, last time they saw me, my boobs were'nt even growing in...

Not that I have alot now, but they make due.....atleast thats what my bf says.... hahahhaha

Anyways, she's been gone for a month now,

and comes back home manana

thank goodness, I miss my gossip queen...

I have no idea how I have been makin due without her .... shes like my own personal diary.

And, we def. have soooo much to catch up on.... this month has had many ups and downs...talk about roller coaster...

from bf drama, to family drama, to roommate drama,to job drama, to being broke all the damn time..... fuuuuck!

Im pretty sure she has some juicy stories for me.. more than she has mentioned on the phone. All, I know is that, that bitch def. betta have some pictures... or imma be whippin her ass back over there.

So This Was My Day....

Union Square is pretty interesting....
Can you believe this dude sits in his chair....all day..harrasin dudes to play him in chess...
hahahhahahaha
and then he charges him 5 bucks.

So, i kept walking and some chick walkin in front of me def. caught my eye... atleast her tats
did...
a purple ribbon with a pink buttonin the middle. wonder what it means to her
check em out....

sweeeeet right???
Now this one.....this one right here.....this dude caught my eye...
well, everynoes eye actually.
def. had me laughing....
I know youve heard of the cat in the hat by dr.seuss.....well in this case
his cat IS the hat...hahahahha

Goes to show... aint no where like Ny.
later bloggers.

Fuck Your Life

props to muszka photography for this pic

you know what, I'm just tired....
I'm gonna stop giving a fuck about people in general.
At the end of the day, no one really gives a shit,
am i right , or am i right?
Every single night it's some other shit...
I'm pretty damn sure once i start acting like a bitch people will actually leave me the fuck alone.
I don't wake up in the morning and get dressed to please you.
I could give two shits if you make more money than me,
which leg goes in your pants first,
who you fucked last night,
what pretty paper is hangin on your wall with your name on it,
if you wipe your ass backwards or forward first
So, in conclusion, here I go...

Eyelash Wishes

I

I know it took me some time to get my mind straight
I know I messed up
I'm gonna be better
No doubt about that
Glad you see the brighter side of life
I finally see what I want now
I finally laugh freely now
I don't worry as much
I'm happy
and I owe it all to you

Confused...

Feels like my mind wanders in a circle....
I dont know what to do ...
Do this
Do that
..help?